Woe is me

I just re-read my last post.
Whoo-wee!

I must say I am doing better about church. Not the best, but better. I don't mind going on Sunday except for the whole song-leading thing but I keeping thinking about the fact that I am not doing it for me. I have a small picture of Jesus where he looks happy and not anguished like most. I get it out during church. That has helped me to forget the other people in the sanctuary with me. It has been hard.

Very hard.

And very tempting not to pack up and move out, so to speak. I kept telling myself "other" churches don't do that, and "look at that! that church was able to coordinate an entire event and the people look happy!" But I am still there because I have not been led anywhere else.

Ironically, Bro Ron stated in our last Sunday School class that he has had to deal with churchgoers coming to him and complaining about other church members in the past. I was kind of put off by this story of how he told them to quit whining. I kept thinking, "Why is it always the VICTIM -the one who was offended -the one who was wronged - who has to do the forgiving? The one who is made to feel like garbage over and over and over because if they still feel hurt THEY are made out to be the bad people?"

Maybe I just don't get it, but Jesus didn't let the people defile the temple. He took action, he yelled and he got angry. He didn't cower in the corner and say, "Oh, I must forgive them and not say anything!"

I love that story.

I promised God I would not dwell on all this that has happened, but I can't help feeling hurt. I looked up to these people!! (please note past tense) Now that I look back, I realize I became a Christian on Halloween night (yup, Devil's night - day after my birthday) in 1999. I had never been to church before except for the 6 months to a year I went to the Methodist church after my dad died in 1983. I learned nothing there about God's love and acceptance.

By the year 2000, I was teaching a Wednesday class for small kids. I thought that was OK because I was learning the old Bible stories with them. By 2001, anyone who was remotely near my age had left the church all because they had been offended by other church members (see the irony just gush out of this story?). I became the sole Sunday School and Bible Study teacher for youth ranging in age from 9-17.

I never had time to learn the bible myself! I don't know the stories, the characters etc...that I should be teaching the kids. Another ironic thing is, NO ONE EVER ASKED WHAT I WAS TEACHING! Here I am still a new Christian (I still consider myself that 6 years later) teaching kids. Not one. No one ever looked at the books I was using, the lessons, nothing. This has REALLY started to bother me lately. Especially now that my daughters are the only kids left and they certainly don't want ME to preach at them any longer.

No one is left to do it. Sandy, Bro. Ron's wife, has taken over teaching Sunday School, but since they do not attend the Bible Study on Wednesday, I am still teaching Bridget when I have a lesson. That is something else that bothers me. Why don't our pastor and/or his wife attend their church's Bible Study that is held on Wednesday evenings. I understand that they live 45 minutes away, but I still find that a little odd. They have attended ZERO.

I just remembered that TONIGHT is Wednesday and I have no lesson plan, no desire to DO a lesson plan and no ideas for a lesson plan.

(sigh)

Should we learn about forgiveness again?

Shasta