GRRRRrrrr

Do other mothers feel this way??

I am so frustrated with children I see why animals eat their young!
I see why praying mantis kill their male mates

...and another thing

She says that we (meaning Bryan and I) are prejudiced!
We have a little BLACK boy living in our HOUSE.
I grew up in a MEXICAN neighborhood.
She is just a ho-bag full of excuses.
It is just getting so unreal the filth spewing from the mouth of the former Christ-loving girl.
I pray she will find peace someday.
Shasta

More

So I had to have Bryan call her. I hated doing that to him since we were eating his favorite meal and everything but if I did it I would be still tossing her stuff out the upstairs window and tell her to never come back.

I still feel that way. Bryan just doesn't understand. He loves unconditionally - and I love that about him. But I am not that way. Once someone hurts me intentionally - I don't want anything more to do with them. Been that way since day one. Ask my former friends from high school. Once they pulled something, I was not friends with them again. Oh, I could be civil, but my circle is tight and they never got back in.

The Big B stated that she no longer is a (insert our last name here) and that she never was. The last 8 years were the worst of her life and that we could f'n kiss off.
OK fine.
Who am I to stop her from "growing" and "blossoming" into a mature, well-adjusted young woman. Sounds like she is well on her way to an unhappy marriage with a short, neanderthal-looking control freak.
Don't look for me at the wedding.
Shasta out

Wah Wah Wah Pity Party

Text I received recently after asking for the return of the house key:

"I am f'n independent thank u very much U want my s't out & the key bak then u tell me when good 4 u since evry1 thinks i have 2 conform 2 what the hell they want without even askn me how Im doin Wat job & hours I work etc I dnt have time I work ovr 60hrs a wk 4 my independence & cnt do evrything n a 24 hr day."

Please remember this is from the same human who did not want to take the key IN THE FIRST PLACE.

My daughter - the linguist

Shasta

posh

I'm baaaaaaacckk!

I got started watchin' Project Runway on Bravo somehow this year and saw Victoria Beckham as a guest judge. I remembered thinking "What the??!! Isn't she a 'spice girl'?" My mind travelled back to the late 90's when all you heard on the radio was there annoying

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,So tell me what you want, what you really really want,I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,So tell me what you want, what you really really want,I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ah.. I am better now. So where was I? Oh, yes. Victoria Beckham. Let's take a look back, shall we? Here she is circa 1997. Note the brunette-ness, the normal-ness and lack of total

"posh"-ness.

.....and NOW we jump forward to present day. Now please keep in mind that Ms Posh denies having any plastic surgery and states that she lives on Diet Coke and diet snacks.


Really.

I hope that when I get to be her age that I have a nice shelf to rest my chin on.

Yep.

The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

Ahh... The weekend is finally here. My weekends are always marred, however,by the thought of Sunday. My kids don't want to go to church at all anymore. When they do they sit and talk or write notes the whole time. They don't even stand during the praise music any longer.

I KNOW they love the Lord, though, and that is what bothers me. I know that we are all letting people get in our way and Satan is winning this battle. But as a parent I don't know any other solution.

I simply cannot and will not force my daughters to attend church just to attend. They know what it feels like to feel at home in the sanctuary. To FEEL that it is a sanctuary from the world. To feel close to God.

I have not felt that at our church for about 2 years. Now my children feel it.

I know what must be done. I feel that God has opened some doors for our family, I just have so many memories at that church and they only have 9 members that keep the place going and 4 of them is our family!

More on this as it develops
Shasta

Ahhh! I am back!

'Ello gov'na!

It's good to be back 'ome. OK. OK. Enough with the accent. Hard to type that way anyway. I completely forgot about this blog until I was thinking that I really needed a place to complain. and 'poof' I remembered.

My life sucks SO much right now I don't even know WHERE to begin!

1. We have a new pastor at church (been there 1 year now) and I don't agree with the way he is doing things. He is dong great things for the church and for God and for Jesus but I fear that he is baptizing children too quickly before they really know what they are doing. My daughter is 15 and has been saved since she was 9. She has not felt led to be baptized yet ( i think having a man hold her down underwater is what is stopping her personally...) and that's ok. But I digress....

Since we are still so few at church many of us have several hats. I have taught since all the teachers vamoosed years ago. I have taught B & C (my kids). When our old pastor's wife was there...she taught. Now she is gone and I am expected to teach again. What they don't get, and what I have been telling them for years is that I AM NOT A TEACHER. I feel NO CALL to BE a teacher. I DON'T LIKE TEACHING. My own kids will tell you!! To me a child (at any age abobe 6 or 7) should be able to sit still during class, listen, follow directions and learn.

As we all know... this does not happen.

And I get mad.

Now we HAVE added the power point projector etc. at church and I create the slides for that. I enjoy that. I look forward to that. I spend hours on the computer finding backgrounds, ideas etc (when I can...) I also create the church bulletin. Again - this is something that uses my gifts (something that is preached about a lot).

So with that in mind (and other reasons as well) we have stopped going on Wednesdays altogether. I miss this because I do like the Wednesday Bible Study for myself, but I was not allowed there since I had to "teach". So in essence, the church is keeping us away.

The sad thing is...no one has asked why we have discontinued coming on Wednesday. They might be assuming it is because of our foster son - who goes to bed at 7:30 and Bible Study starts at 7 and ends after 8.

So I get headaches every Sunday morning because I am still "expected" to teach. Have I said anything, you ask? Yes. I have told the preacher 3 times. The preacher's wife twice and one of the other deacon's wives twice as well.

Deaf ears.

Augh. More later - my head is hurting just rehashing all of this.
Shasta

Woe is me

I just re-read my last post.
Whoo-wee!

I must say I am doing better about church. Not the best, but better. I don't mind going on Sunday except for the whole song-leading thing but I keeping thinking about the fact that I am not doing it for me. I have a small picture of Jesus where he looks happy and not anguished like most. I get it out during church. That has helped me to forget the other people in the sanctuary with me. It has been hard.

Very hard.

And very tempting not to pack up and move out, so to speak. I kept telling myself "other" churches don't do that, and "look at that! that church was able to coordinate an entire event and the people look happy!" But I am still there because I have not been led anywhere else.

Ironically, Bro Ron stated in our last Sunday School class that he has had to deal with churchgoers coming to him and complaining about other church members in the past. I was kind of put off by this story of how he told them to quit whining. I kept thinking, "Why is it always the VICTIM -the one who was offended -the one who was wronged - who has to do the forgiving? The one who is made to feel like garbage over and over and over because if they still feel hurt THEY are made out to be the bad people?"

Maybe I just don't get it, but Jesus didn't let the people defile the temple. He took action, he yelled and he got angry. He didn't cower in the corner and say, "Oh, I must forgive them and not say anything!"

I love that story.

I promised God I would not dwell on all this that has happened, but I can't help feeling hurt. I looked up to these people!! (please note past tense) Now that I look back, I realize I became a Christian on Halloween night (yup, Devil's night - day after my birthday) in 1999. I had never been to church before except for the 6 months to a year I went to the Methodist church after my dad died in 1983. I learned nothing there about God's love and acceptance.

By the year 2000, I was teaching a Wednesday class for small kids. I thought that was OK because I was learning the old Bible stories with them. By 2001, anyone who was remotely near my age had left the church all because they had been offended by other church members (see the irony just gush out of this story?). I became the sole Sunday School and Bible Study teacher for youth ranging in age from 9-17.

I never had time to learn the bible myself! I don't know the stories, the characters etc...that I should be teaching the kids. Another ironic thing is, NO ONE EVER ASKED WHAT I WAS TEACHING! Here I am still a new Christian (I still consider myself that 6 years later) teaching kids. Not one. No one ever looked at the books I was using, the lessons, nothing. This has REALLY started to bother me lately. Especially now that my daughters are the only kids left and they certainly don't want ME to preach at them any longer.

No one is left to do it. Sandy, Bro. Ron's wife, has taken over teaching Sunday School, but since they do not attend the Bible Study on Wednesday, I am still teaching Bridget when I have a lesson. That is something else that bothers me. Why don't our pastor and/or his wife attend their church's Bible Study that is held on Wednesday evenings. I understand that they live 45 minutes away, but I still find that a little odd. They have attended ZERO.

I just remembered that TONIGHT is Wednesday and I have no lesson plan, no desire to DO a lesson plan and no ideas for a lesson plan.

(sigh)

Should we learn about forgiveness again?

Shasta